Haiku gamebook reviews!

There are already quite a few sites offering gamebook reviews, or gamebook playthroughs, and most of them are more interesting and entertaining than anything I could offer. One of my own favourites just now is Malthus Dire's Fighting Fantasy page.

Few gamebook review sites offer reviews in the format of centuries-old Japanese poetry, however. I intend to remedy that. And so, here are my three haiku gamebook reviews of the day.

THE WARLOCK OF FIRETOP MOUNTAIN, by Steve Jackson and Ian Livingstone

Psycho treasure hunt.

North, south, east, west - frustrating.

Sit on chest and weep.

ROBOT COMMANDO, by the other Steve Jackson

Robots in disguise

Fight enemies of the state.

Wake up, sleepyheads!

NIGHT OF THE NECROMANCER, by Jonathon Green

Ghost adventurer -

Patrick Swayze with a sword.

Choose a new body.

(Post by Paul Gresty, cross-posted at his blog.)

April A to Z - R is for Razaak

Seven heads are better than one.

Appears in:  Crypt of the Sorcerer (Fighting Fantasy 26) by Ian Livingstone.

Background:  Was once an apprentice to a lawful wizard but turned away from that and demanded that several nobles relinquish their power to him.  When they didn't he, sent lots of plagues and tormented them until a warrior killed him.  He was sealed in a tomb but it was decreed that the tomb should not be opened for one hundred and ten years or Razaak will return and destroy all life (which idiot did that?  Shouldn't they have just decreed that Razaak will be dead for all eternity).  Someone didn't get the memo.

Prominence:  Razaak's servants are all over the place, causing havoc for you or anyone who lives in Allansia.  His servants include a dragon so he has some serious firepower.  Most of your encounters are caused by Razaak.  8/10

Hardness:  Razaak has several spells that will instantly kill you if you don't have the correct items. He also has a skill of 12 and a stamina of 20 making him a formidable warrior, but the kicker is that if he hits you twice in a row, you automatically die.  He can also only be killed by one weapon which will turn you into a skeleton eventually.  It is not for nothing that people say that Crypt of the Sorcerer is unfair. 11/10

Ambition:  The destruction of all life.  10/10

Style:  He lives in a bog standard evil sorcerer crypt and he has a horde of everyday chaotics but he has also recruited Ungoth, the Skeleton King (he must be good if a king is taking orders from him), a dragon and lots of undead.  5/10.

Diabolical genius:  Strapping Yaztromo to a pentagram, sending a dragon against you, having an undead skeleton king ask you weird questions are all part of Razaak's repertoire (I've just made him sound like a stage magician).  Most of Razaak's servants just attack you, however and if he was really clever, he would have had one of his own servants find his sword first and not have left it in a lake for anyone to take.  5/10.

Total score:  An powerful and almost indestructable sorcerer has recruited powerful and almost indestructable servants to destroy all life.  He could have worked harder on some details but killing Razaak is an almost impossible challenge.  39/50.

April A to Z - M is for Malbordus

This place is the pits.

Appears in:  Temple of Terror (Fighting Fantasy 14) by Ian Livingstone.

Background:  Malbordus is a human who was abandoned by his mother and raised by Dark Elves.  He showed a talent for Dark Elf magic.  As a test, he was sent to the city of Vatos to find five dragon artefacts and animate them so that they become dragons.  He will then lead an army across Allansia.

Prominence:  Most of your trials and tribulations come from your journey rather than dealing with Malbordus.  Even in the city of Vatos, the servants who attack you are servants of Leesha rather than Malbordus.  1/10

Hardness:  Malbordus casts one spell which will reduce your skill by three if you do not have a rind that will protect you.  It will make your battle with him harder, but it's hardly instant death.  You then fight him.  He has a skill of 10 and a stamina of 18.  Not too shabby, but there have been better stats for the big bad villain at the end.  6/10.

Ambition:  Conquering Allansia.  9/10.

Style:  He's a human raised by Dark Elves and likes a cool desert city, but there is not much about Malbordus that sticks out.  3/10.

Diabolical genius:  Malbordus gets a bonus mark for the messenger of death but other than that, there is very little that he has done to stop you.  The rest is done by Leesha.  3/10

Total score:  Malbordus is just at the start of his super villain career so he hasn't had time to develop his own brand and raise his own army.  If he had been allowed to live longer, he may have done a lot better.   23/50

April A to Z - L is for The Lizard King

The nudist avenger.

Appears in:  Island of the Lizard King (Fighting Fantasy 7) by Ian Livingstone.

Background:  The Lizard King rules over Lizard men and other nasty creatures on Fire Island.  He also owns a gold mine worked on by slaves.  To make himself stronger, he has attached a gonchong to his head.

Prominence:  You only see the Lizard King at the end, but his soldiers are around a lot of the island.  They are also in the gold mine.  He does not own the island outright, however as there are tribes of pygmies and head hunters there.  7/10.

Hardness:  The Lizard king has a skill of 10 (12 when wielding a fire sword) and a stamina of 15.  He is immune to non fire attacks.  He also has a pet black lion with a skill of 11 and a stamina of 11, so you have some tough fights ahead of you.

You need a fire sword and/or a monkey to defeat him.  If you have both, you have an easy fight as you reduce his skill to 6.   If you have the fire sword without the monkey, he has a skill of 12.  If you have the monkey, he has a skill of 10 and you can increase your attack strength (I know it says skill but it won't work unless it says attack strength) by 2.

If you kill him, you have to make the correct decision to kill the Gonchong.  Whatever you do, you still have to fight a skill 11 opponent.  7/10

Ambition:  To rule over Fire Island forever (it is implied that the gonchong extends his lifespan).  Bonus mark for the forever part.  8/10.

Style:    The Lizard King lives in a pretty bog standard castle and his lack of clothing means that he is a bit limited on the personal style.  Bonus mark for attaching a wierd creature to his head.  3/10

Diabolical genius:  Old fashioned violence achieves most of the Lizard King's aims, so not really.  2/10

Total score:  The Lizard King has achieved a powerful rule over most of Fire Island and has increased his strength and lifespan with the gonchong.  27/50.

April A to Z - B is for Balthus Dire

Do you work out?

Appears in:  Citadel of Chaos (Fighting Fantasy 2) by Steve Jackson, The Trolltooth Wars (Fighting Fantasy novel) by Steve Jackson.

Background:  Lives in a citadel, surrounded by chaotic creatures and wants to attack the Vale of the Willow.

Prominence:  You don't see him until the very end.  None of the inhabitants of the citadel seem to attack you on his orders.  Some of them are friendly towards you.  You can placate even his wife if you have a hairbrush.  1/10

Hardness:  When you enter Balthus's room, you must first dodge a flying trident and then fight a clawbeast, which is a difficult fight, especially as you lose you wepon when you hit it four times.  However, both of these obstacles can be negated if you have the correct spells.

Balthus is a powerful sorcerer, though, unlike other sorcerers, he is not so powerful that he can kill you with a single spell.  However, his stats are a very respectable skill of 10 (12 with his ring) and a stamina of 19 which means that he can beat most warriors is straightforward combat.

He does make some mistakes, though.  He stores a powerful magical sword in his room, ready for you to steal and use against him.  You are able to steal his ring and reduce his skill and he also dies if exposed to sunlight.

Now the last problem does not necessarily stop you being a great villain (vampires really do a lot of damage for example), but it's a fatal mistake if you make your home in the top of a tower with only curtains between you and certain death.  In fact, when you are offered the option of pulling down the curtains, it offers the idea of throwing them over his head, giving the impression that no one would think that a powerful sorcerer would  be that stupid.

If you have the correct spells, then you are able to kill Balthus Dire without any problems.  6/10

Ambition:  Invading a city state.  7/10

Style:  Lives in a quite normal (for a villain) dungeon/castle called the Black Tower (pretty normal name for a villanous base).  However, he does buck the sorcerer trend towards robes and beards and works it well.  4/10

Diabolical genius:  There are some weird things in the Black Tower, but most of them are not Dire's doing.  However, he is quite diabolical in your confrontation with him (unlike Agglax who runs away and calls for his bodyguards because mummy Sith isn't around).  3/10

Total score:  His plan is unsophisticated, his servants (and wife) don't really respect him enough to really try to kill you and he lives in a place that will kill him if a curtain rail falls down.  23/50

April A to Z - A is for Agglax the Shadow Demon

Do demons even get
tired?

Appears in: Armies of Death (Fighting Fantasy 36) by Ian Livingstone.

Background:  Agglax is a shadow demon who has been trapped in a pot in a ruined temple for a while.  When a scavenger accidentally releases him, Agglax immediately decides to recruit a horde of foul beasts and monsters.  It is not stated why, but since he serves the Demon Princes it probably involves killing everyone in Allansia.

Prominence:  Agglax does not make an appearance until the end, but there are plenty of his servants throughout the book who ambush your men or attempt to assasinate you.  However, most of your trials come from other sources.  5/10

Hardness:  Agglax is almost unique amongst villains in the sense that he is actually surrounded by lots of servants and soldiers so it is tough to get close to him.

First, you have to fight a host of chaos warriors, have your men cut down by spears, engage in hand to hand combat with some monsters where you will die if you have not recruited the correct allies.  However, his horde is too big for your men and you have to distract them by throwing your gold into the air.  Then you finally confront him.

When you do confront him, you need a magic crystal and know the spell to activate it and banish him  You also need to fight a skill 10 stamina 10 guard.  He cannot be killed with your sword.  9/10

Ambition:  Killing everything in Allansia that stood against the Demon Princes in the First Battle.  9/10

Style:  Being a demon isn't too original.  Recruiting a horde and killing people is also not that original either.  Pretty unimaginative.  2/10

Diabolical genius:  Once again, Agglax's main defence is surrounding himself by a horde.  It is effective, but simple.  2/10

Total score:  Agglax is a bit of a one trick pony.  His method is to recruit every monster to his cause and then let them kill people.  While he does have a real threat to the whole continent, it is a plan that any demon could come up with.


27/50

Your adventure ends here - Some I like

Here's some failure paragraphs which I like for some reason.  Enjoy!

The first one is from Space Assassin by Steve Jackson and Ian Livingstone.
 
An orange glow pervades the room, reflecting off everything except the spheres which remain implacably black. Little doors materailize in front of each sphere and swallow them as they droft over their thesholds; within seconds the entire room is bereft of the spheres. The doors evaporate, leaving you easy eaccess to the other side of the room. Before you can stroll across, however, the room vanishes and you find yourself floating in a starry void, light years from anywhere. A stone tablet drifts slowly into view. It is engraved: "We eliminated seventy-seven spheres of annihilation on your account. As you do not have the means of paying your bill for this service we have taken the liberty of foreclosing and transporting you to this place. Sorry."
 
The tablet drifts away, leaving you to spin in the void. You have failed.

Why I like this ending

It's all about the 'sorry' at the end.  It adds a touch of humour to floating in eternal blackness.

This ending is from Moonrunner by Stephen Hand.

You have leaned the hard way that there is no escape from Karam Gruul's infamous wire tunic.  Your hunt for the fiend ends in a most grisly fashion.

Why I like this ending

This ending highlights what an evil genius Karam Gruul is. Anyone who has invented their own grisly infamous trap deserves respect.

The next ending is from the Citidel of Chaos (no, not that one) by Jamie Thompson.

You ave no way of entering e Overlord's World and none of the thinkers among the Champions can come up with a solution either...and time is running out.  After ten minutes or so, the double doors crash open and a veritable army of Enforcers and Cybermarines come boiling in.  The battle is epic in scale and you will go down i the annals of the Resistance forever.  But the outcome is never in doubt.  Eventually, you are all overwhelmed.  It is all over.

Why I like this ending

It is a great example of a blaze of glory ending. 

This ending is from Deathtrap Dungeon by Ian Livingstone.

You step up to the mirror and are amused by your distorted reflection. Your head looks as large as a pumpkin and your face is exceedingly strange. Suddenly, without warning, a terrible pain pounds through your head and you try to look away from the mirror but are unable to. Some evil force is keeping your eyes glued to your own reflection. You grip your head with your hands and realize with horror that it is expanding. You can withstand it no longer and, blacking out with the pain, you fall unconscious to the floor, never to wake.

Why I like this paragraph

It has an element of horror to it.  It starts off with you looking at a funny image of yourself in a mirror and ends up with you dying horribly.

The last one is from Necklace of Skulls by Dave Morris.

No expression shows on the hard ma-like face as you make your genuflection.  There is no roar of rage to show he is affronted nor flash of sullen anger in his eye.  He only raises his sceptre slowly as though to emphasize the point he is about to make.  Then, before you have a chance to move, he brings the sceptre swishing down to split your skull open like a melon.  Your adventure ends suddenly and horribly.  

Why I like this ending

This paragraph really drives home how stuffed you are and hopeless your situation is against your foe.  First of all, it contains the word genuflection.  I have no idea what it means and so my situation also becomes hopeless in a literary way. 

Then he does nothing to show off his power which is a clear indication that he has so much power that he does not need to show it off.  Oh dear.  All he does is slowly raise his sceptre.  However, even that is too quick for me and he then splits my skull open like a melon.  Which means he didn't find that too difficult. 

Next time...

A summary of what I have learnt from all these death paragraphs.

I will also post about my own writing.  Something I have done very little of during the winter, but I think I need to do it more regularly.

Your adventure ends here - make sure you learn something from it.

Here's an ending from Deathtrap Dungeon by Ian Livingstone.

An old cover, showing the bloodbeast.

An alternative title.  You can find more of these here.

3

The gnome shakes his head and says 'I'm afraid you have failed the Trial of the Champions.  Baron Sukumvit's Deathtrap Dungeon will keep its secrets for another year, as you will not be allowed to leave here. You are appointed my servant for the rest of your days, to prepare and modify the dungeon for future contestants.  Perhaps in another life, you will succeed...'

Why I like this paragraph

It refers to you having another life.  Is that a nod to the reader, implying that each attempt is a different life that they lead?  Or is every separate reading of a gamebook like another dimension?  That is an interesting concept to follow.

The most informative thing about this paragraph is how you get here.  The gnome asks you if you have certain gemstones and you end up here if you don't.  So you may lose, but in a future reading, you will know which gemstones to look for.  This should make things easier. 

How did I get into this mess?

I got all the way through the dungeon to come to a huge door guarded by a small gnome.  The door has three sockets in it which only take three types of gems.  You need to get the correct gems in the correct order.

What have I learnt from this?

Just because you die, it does not mean that the paragraph is useless.  You can glean some information on what to do next time.  All death paragraphs give you some information, which is 'Don't choose this paragraph again.'  However, as in this case, you can get more information on what you can do.

Your adventure ends here - for being naughty

Ok, I'm going to post two 'Your adventure ends here' posts, do my favourites at a later time and then wrap up after that. 

The first gruesome death comes from Ian Livingstone's Crypt of the Sorcerer. 

Razaak, with backing vocalists,                                 A bit less scary here and going

looking distinctly scary.                                              solo, but still buzzing.

149

You are mesmerised by the beauty of the sparkling diamonds, but picking one up is the last thing that you will ever do.  Your body immediately crystallises and you sparkle as if you were a diamond yourself.  You have saved Allansia from eternal doom, but you have paid for your greed with your life.

Why I like this paragraph 

First of all, although you die, you turn into a giant diamond.  You may be dead but you are a very rich corpse.

Second of all, you die because you were greedy and should have been more concerned with saving your own life rather than grabbing treasure.  You have violated the moral code set by the book and so you have paid the penalty.  Maybe the fact that you turn into a diamond is an example of death by irony for your greed. 

How did I get into this mess?

I got this far by cheating.  Seriously, I'm not going to play Crypt of the Sorcerer fairly.  The book is extremely punishing.

This is almost the end of the book.  I've survived Razaak's magical onslaught and beaten him in combat.  Not too easy considering he's a skill 12 stamina 20 opponent who automatically kills you if he wins two consecutive attack rounds.

Now that he's finally dead, I could flee the collapsing cavern or I could look at the treasure.  I'm given another chance to flee, but I still decide to take it.  I am killed for my greed and the inability to take a hint.

What have I learnt from this paragraph?

Some gamebooks have a moral code and if you work out what it is and follow it, your life would be much easier.  Crypt of the Sorcerer is not too overt about what it wants as a moral code but it does punish you for being greedy, saying you serve chaos and attacking non hostile people.  However, in the last case, you still have to attack someone and take a luck penalty to get an essential item for victory. 

Sword of the Samurai by Mark Smith and Jamie Thompson also has a moral code which is measured by your Honour score.  They do not go into too much detail about what is honourable and what is not honourable, but the word honour has certain connotations which if you folow, you can't go too wrong.  If your honour reaches 0, you commit seppuku.

He's not here for the fishing.

Some books have other rules that are not moral but you need to follow them to survive.  For example in Phantoms of Fear, by Robin Waterfield, you reach a point where you can enter the dream world and become invisible but you will not become immaterial.  There is a point where you come across a bunch of lizard men who kill you.  If you decide to become invisible, they still kill you because you are not immaterial as the book told you earlier. 

The phantoms often suffer from sinus problems.



So if a gamebook (not necessarily a person in a gamebook as they may be a lying traitor) tells you something, it is probably good to follow that rule or you will end up dead.